Sunday, June 30, 2013

Men and Women and Relationships

This is a grown-up post, so if you're not a grown-up, move along.

There's something I have noticed from past relationships and have confirmed with my current, and that is that a smart woman takes control of the sexuality in her relationship. First I'll tell you why, and then I'll tell you how.

In case you haven't heard, men think about sex. A lot. I think I saw somewhere online that they think of sex once every seven minutes, which I would believe, but even if it's not true and an average man thinks about sex once an hour, that's a lot of thinking about sex. I think that on average that's a lot more than women think about it.

I've found that a man is happier when he knows that his woman is also thinking about sex, or that she's thinking about his need for sex. I used to think that a man was happiest when he was having sex, but given how often a man would have sex and given how many hours there are in a day, it's just not practical. In fact, I've tried keeping up with my man's sexual appetite and while it is possible, and it is fun and beautiful, the MINUTE you stop having nonstop sex, your man turns on you. Not willingly, of course, but he gets emotional and doubts that you really love him, and wonders what has gone wrong that you don't have as much sex any more.

The secret solution to all of this is not for the man to have nonstop sex. That's not actually what he wants, even though he might think that it is. What he actually wants is for his woman to acknowledge how often he thinks of sex, and he wants her to acknowledge and validate it as often as he thinks of sex. Every. Single. TIme.

Ladies, this can manifest itself any way you want or need it to. For me, it's been easy, and wildly successful. All I do is force myself to mention something sexual once every other hour or so throughout the day and flash my boyfriend a coy smile. I do have to remind myself to do it because I have a lot more than just sex on my mind all day, unlike, apparently, my darling boy. But it's not difficult, and I have a pretty lewd sense of humor anyways, so I rarely fall short of having something a little naughty to say.

The other thing that I do probably should not be discussed on a blog, but I'll keep it M rated. Let's just say that there have been many days when I know we're not going to have sex, but I know he wants to...because he's a man. And so I just ask him to let me watch him please himself. We've expanded those requests into some other games and, shall we say, "roles", but nothing extreme at all. It's all pretty tame but it gives him the pleasure of having a sexual interaction with me without requiring me to be insincere, or to fake interest or excitement, or what have you.

Obviously the more extreme options would be classic dominatrix-style authority, which I think most men actually do have a fantasy about, but it also requires the woman to be, well, a dominatrix. I can approximate a lightweight dominatrix role play, and me and my boyfriend have a few props, but nothing serious. Anyway, it's fun and that's what relationships should be. But if you're interested in serious dominatrix stuff, mention it to your man and I can almost guarantee he'll take you up on it. I used to wonder how me playing an authority figure would impact the relationship and our "real" sex life because, let's be honest, most women (whether they admit it or not) want a strong man in bed at least some of the time. It has turned out that me and my boyfriend basically accidentally separated the two activities. When I tell him to do what I know he needs to do, and maybe we play a little with traditional roles, that's just that instance. Then later, in the bedroom or whenever, he takes over and it's a different thing entirely. The two can coexist peacefully.

My point, beyond giving you way too much information on my love life, is that if you're a girl and you date a man, then he's probably insecure about his own sex drive. Do him a favor and get it out into the open. Compliment him on it, talk about how sexual and virile he is, talk about how sexy it is to you when he does certain things to himself, blah blah blah. He'll love that stuff, trust me.

Oh, a disclaimer before I leave you to ponder that. I don't date jocks or frat boys or body builders. I'm a geeky girl attracted to geeky guys (well, one particular geeky guy right now, but you know what I mean) so all of my dating and relationship experience is based on observations of geeks. If you're not a geek or are not with a geek, your mileage may vary.

No comments:

Post a Comment